Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This baby is an asshole
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
