all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
