I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
operation have a gay friend backfired
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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