Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i drank out of a bidet.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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