Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Your cock deserves a montage
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
