there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
did i just pee glitter
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
