I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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