Already got asked if we're dating
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
