tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
