There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
