next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
