you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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