i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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