remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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