Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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