did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
