Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
