ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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