The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
