There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
