so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I don't deserve a penis
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
