My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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