He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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