I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Randomize
