so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
