You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
