The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Be still, my beating vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
