girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
