he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
