6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Enjoy the penises
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
