just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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