So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
