my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
