I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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