I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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