forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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