Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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