Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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