hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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