It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
