garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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