The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
