I am puke
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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