So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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