i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
