If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
