I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
