she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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