What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
