the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
