I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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