In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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