I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
