its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
