4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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