I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
